(Does your mother know)

I’m so tired, moving slow

But I drive to the place for the pills that will keep me alive

Then I’m in bed by five

Cataracts, in my eyes

Larger print, makes no change, might as well all be in Japanese

And I shit if I sneeze

Well I can’t move for you honey

My catheter is runny

Does your carer know that you’re out?

Back touring did we mention

‘Cos we spent all our pension

Does your carer know that you’re out?

(One of us)

It’s passed me by

That time when I was famous

Its different now, when you see

The nurse wipes up my anus

Can hardly hear

Everything’s so disjointed

And I want to know why

Or else I might cry

Asking again, where the fuck am I?

One of us is dying, one of us is lying

Quite still upon their bed

Staring at the ceiling

I really think they’re actually now dead

We should be retiring, or maybe expiring

But we’re doing more

With CGI instead, its so creepy, what you saw

Don’t you wonder what you’re paying for?

(Take a chance on me)

If you feel inclined

Now I think its time

‘Cos I felt some pee

Put the pants on me

(Put the pants, put the pants, put the, put the pants, pants, etc)

Will you do your very best

To stem the flow

Putting Tenna to the test

Every time I go

Put the pants on me

That’s all I ask of you, honey

Put the pants on me

(The winner takes it all)

I can’t really walk

Without my trusty zimmer

Arthritis setting in

And dribble on my chin

I’ve played all my cards

So now perhaps its time to

Tell you what I fear

The cold is drawing near

The winter takes us all

Next time that they call

They’ll be taking me

To the mortuary  

The winter takes us all

If not that a fall

But either way you’ll see That’s my destiny