Newsnight type programme sting.

Presenter:     Good evening and welcome. Tonight I’m joined by Dick Swab, the minister for complex compound sentences. Good evening minister.

MP:              It is indeed in so far as one can tell making allowances for variables within the not too distant future, but only on the assumption that the earth still moves around the sun to create such an environment, which we believe it still does.

Presenter:     You’ve trusted the science on that one.

 MP:             Quite.

Presenter:     Ok. Firstly, how do you justify the Prime Minster lowering the two-metre threshold to one metre against the advice of experts?

MP:              Well it’s the dichotomy paradox you see.

Presenter:     The dichotomy paradox.

MP:              Yes. Anything in motion must at some point reach the halfway stage of its journey before its end goal, but as there can be an infinite number of halves, surely it can never reach that final destination. Therefore, it’s perfectly safe.

Presenter:     Right.

MP:              So it doesn’t matter how much we reduce the distancing, because we’ll never really meet anyone.

Presenter:     Because even when we’re touching, we’re not really touching?

MP:              That’s what I told my wife about my mistress.

Presenter:     But what about Mr Johnson’s proposal with regards to a Roosevelt style ‘new deal’? I mean FDR spent the equivalent of 40% of his nation’s income, and Johnson’s equates to what, 0.2%?

MP:              Ah but you see you’re not making allowances for the difference in inflation. A pound back then was a very different amount to what it is now.

Presenter:     Yes, it was worth more.

MP:              But only in the financial sense.

Presenter:     Right. And what precisely are the Prime Minister’s plans with regard to spending?

MP:              Oh that’s easy, its going into infrastructure.

Presenter:     And how does that break down?

MP:              Well its like structure, only infra.

Presenter:     Meaning?

MP:              As with infrared.

Presenter:     So not visible on a spectrum we can see?

MP:              Precisely.

Presenter:     Goodnight.