V/O:   (sung) Handsy Andy’s coming to play, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Time to get his end away, la, la, la, la, la.

Lights up. Andy is sat by a laptop.

V/O:   What’s Andy up to today children? Oh, he’s on his computer. Andy’s a big fan of something called the ‘dark web’, aren’t you Andy?

Andy nods.

V/O:   Is that one of your special sites?

Andy shakes his head.

V/O:   Then what is it?

Andy clicks. A logo appears on the AV:

V/O:   Oh yes. The booking site for inbred people. But what are you looking on there for? Are you going on holiday?

He shakes his head.

V/O:   Of course. Poor Andy can’t afford a holiday right now. Andy is a little too generous with his money children. He recently gave an awful lot of it away for apparently no reason whatsoever. 

Andy nods emphatically.

V/O:   If you’re not going on holiday Andy, what are you doing?

Andy clicks again.

AV:

V/O: Oh I see, you’re hosting a property to earn some more money.

Andy nods.

V/O:   What a clever Andy. But that looks like quite an expensive stay. I’m not sure you’ll get many bookings.

SFX: bleep. Andy looks excited.

V/O:   But what’s this? You’ve got a booking already?

Andy nods.

V/O:   I wonder who would spend all that money.

Fergie walks on holding a mobile phone.

V/O:   Oh look, it’s your faithful friend Fergie, come to say hello. What have you been up to Fergie?

She points at her phone. Andy looks at his computer screen horrified.

V/O:   You’ve been online?

She nods.

V/O:   What a lovely surprise. A perfect little getaway for two special friends. Isn’t that nice?

Fergie takes Andy by the hand.

V/O:   Well I supposed you’d both better go and pack. Wave goodbye to Andy boys and girls.

They wave.

V/O:   Looks like you’re paying for it after all, Andy.

He nods as he gets reluctantly dragged offstage by Fergie.

V/O:   Oh yes, you’re really paying for it. Isn’t karma a bitch, children? Sleep well.