Fiona Bruce:      Good evening. After the US Supreme Court’s recent controversial ruling, tonight’s debate promises not to be without controversy. I am of course talking about post Covid mask disposal. On the panel tonight, to my far right we have Milly Tant from Hicksville, Alabama, who is leader of the Pro-Life for Linen campaign group.

Milly:                   Disposal is murder!

Fiona:                  And on my left I’m joined by fast fashion designer Gianni Verstarchi.

Gianni:                Ciao bella.

Fiona:                  And finally, we’re also joined by former prime minster-

Boris:                  Er – still, that is, current leader until-

Fiona:                  Boris Johnson. Because, well, what else is he gonna do? Ok, first question, yes that gentleman over there.

V/O:                    Does the panel believe that a mask is fully formed when the straps are added or as soon as the material is cut?

Fiona:                  Excellent question. Milly.

Milly:                   Its as soon as the design is drawn. There are so many surplus masks that never had the chance to fulfil their potential. Save the unworn!

Boris:                  I think –

Fiona:                  Nobody cares Boris.

Gianni:                What you don’t understand pretty lady is that we in the industry, we can recycle, they can be pulped and re-used.

Fiona:                  You are sick!

Fiona:                  Ok let’s keep it civil. Another question. Yes, the lady over there.

V/O:                    Now that the prime minister has resigned, will he finally be honest and own up to precisely how many masks he actually has?

Boris:                  Er, I think the, er, the, we’re actually avoiding the real issue here, and that in fact is that the country is in far, too, er, too er volatile a state to be left leaderless and, as such, it is my duty to stay on until the autumn. As I said to Carrie last night, I’m not pulling out until I’m good and ready.

Fiona:                  Right. Ok we’ve just got time for one more question, yes you there.

V/O:                    What does the panel think about larger companies who bulk bought masks just before the rules relaxed and are now left with a surplus due to no fault of their own?

Milly:                   If they’re so irresponsible as to order more than they needed, they must suffer the consequences of those actions like the mask hoarding little sluts that they are, ‘scuse my language.

Gianni:                (to Milly) But why cover such a beautiful face?

Milly:                   Fuck off!

Fiona:                  But would you still advocate mask retention even in cases where individuals were made to wear masks against their will, as with prior stricter Covid rules, or where the mask could cause injury to the wearer?

Milly:                   I have sympathies for the individuals in that situation, but that doesn’t change the fact that a mask was created. I have seven beautiful masks at home that I wouldn’t part with for anything in the world, and… excuse me… I’m getting emotional just thinkin’ about it.

Gianni:                In my option, the court – it should never have overruled the decision made in the case of Singer versus Cotton. It was a ground-breaking case and should never have been overturned, but (to Fiona) what are you doing later, you want back to my place?

Fiona:                  Oh go on then.

Boris:                  Can I come?

Both:                   No!

Fiona:                  Goodnight.